On the 6th July 2021 I had to take the decision to take my beloved Barney to the vets.
Barney had previously had inoperable lumps diagnosed, but was living a normal life, he had been on the group walk with my friends and their dogs at the weekend, but he had been off-colour and not himself.
The night before the dreaded day, Barney got into bed with me and I knew this would be the last night of cuddling with him.
I barely slept and sobbed into his head all night, telling him what a good dog he was. He had changed my life.
Barney was no normal dog, he was Marmite!! People loved him or hated him!! It was crazy it was that clear cut! He was the sweetest dog, loved to give big sloppy kisses but also was nervous of new dogs, even tiny ones, he was never nasty but barked to show he was scared and this put off some people. Also because of his rottie looks.
If you need any help please contact The Blue Cross here
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss
Barney’s early life
Barney came to me at 10 weeks old, the only boy of a litter of 8, he was a rottie cross cocker spaniel, is that a rocker or cockweiler?
He was a crossbreed and that’s fine with me, he was a fab puppy, fitted in well with my Cavalier King Charles, Jasper, and the 2 rottweilers. We attended puppy classes and he was a happy puppy.
Life was good and all normal, work, play, life, Barney was always fabulous with people and especially children. I have many memories of him snuggled up with my nieces on the settee, watching films or them throwing balls for him.
Then I had a traumatic relationship break up.
He was still great with people and children and always was!! In fact he wasn’t a problem with dogs, he just took time to warm up to them. He attended many classes at his favourite place Dogskool and loved his agility classes there, I am forever grateful to Sarah at Dogskool for believing in him.
But how the grief of losing my dog affected me
The dreaded morning
After a restless night and Barney being sick in the night, I was already awake early and took him to the vets before they opened.
As I waited alone, just me and Barney, for the vets and staff to arrive I messaged a few friends to tell them of my decision. They were horrified I’d gone alone but this was about me and Barney, no one else, remember to always do what is right for you and your dog, no one else.
Thankfully when the vets opened I explained the situation and they took Barney straight in for an ultrasound (covid restrictions meant I stayed outside)
I would recommend making an appointment for your vets but my head was spinning that day.
And then goodbye
The vet came out and I knew from his face, I’d known before I took Barney that it was time, I’d already made my peace, cried, and said my goodbyes, and thankfully I was allowed in to cuddle Barney for his last moments. It was very calm, quiet, and quick. Although upsetting I knew I needed to be there for his final moments.
The beautiful, handsome boy had given me all his life, so the least I could do was to help him and comfort him at the end. He knew I was there and nuzzled me as the vets prepared us for the procedure.
The After
Thankfully I have a lot of very understanding friends, they sent messages, called me and arrived at my house with cuddles, wine, cards, and food!! And friends further away send flowers and cards. I’m not saying these were needed, but these were lovely gestures as they understood what a huge part of my life he was. He was not “just” a dog, he was family.
I cried for weeks/months on and off and I still weep occasionally now, is this wrong?
NO! He was a part of my family, an important part that I saw daily, apart from a couple of sneaky trips without him!! But I love doggie holidays with my friends, beach walks, then chilled evenings with a few glasses of wine.
My lovely online friend Emma from Stamped With Love gifted me this beautiful rainbow bridge keyring. We are in the same business group and she told me off for sharing her link with this as it was a gift, but a truly beautiful token that really touched my heart and I would want any others to be able to gift to their friends and family in their time of loss.
My keyring says ” No longer by my side, Forever in my Heart, We will meet again at the Rainbow Bridge and never be apart”
I also now have a beautiful ashes memorial ring from Ashes2opals. I highly recommend them, it was a friendly, quick and considerate service. (not gifted, I paid without them knowing about My blog)
And now
I still miss my Barney Bear every day, some days I cry, but some days I smile at his memories.
I am so glad I have my other dogs to keep me company, entertain me, and occupy my mind but it will never stop me from missing him.
One dog does not replace another, but then don’t punish yourself or another dog, by not getting another, just understand they are all individuals. I actually love how every dog has their own mind, quirks and ways, even if I could find another cockweiler or rocker, they would not be Barney he was my one in a million and I thank every day I spent with him.
Barney was my rock, he was the one that dragged me out to be sociable, join dog walks and classes, he helped me face my fears and pull myself together in times of doubt. He made me believe I could!! I am forever thankful for having Barney in my life, he made me do things I wouldn’t otherwise and made me friends with people I wouldn’t of known.
